It's Complicated: How Letting It Out On Facebook Ruins Relationships- Massawa Stevens
Getting my nails done is serious business. Because I don't always treat myself to a nice day of pampering, I try to go all out whenever I get the opportunity. I usually hate doing it alone; the nail salon (along with the club, hair salon, and gym) can be one of the loneliest places a girl frequents if she doesn't have her hunnygirls around. Enter: me. I am getting my manicure done and singing Ne-Yo like nobody's business when I overhear this cute little curvy hunny shouting at her man over the phone. How do I know it was her man? Anyone who is in the salon knows it is her man, that's how loud she is. She is getting her feet done, wiping tears furiously and shouting her life away over the line. Okay, now I am listening without feeling any sort of shame. Uncouth? Yes. Entertaining? You know it!
What is she yelling about? As sure as the color on my nails was pink, she said the following: "Boy if it's complicated I'll do you one more. Change it to single because I'm not with the back and forth!"
Hold on, so she is yelling on this phone about a status online? I don't even have to hear more before my mind is spinning. Sigh. Many people know Facebook is the epicenter of the social networking world. Through Facebook, we connect to long-missed relatives, forgotten friends, even past loves. I cannot tell you how many times I check my newsfeed daily simply out of habit; Facebook has consumed much of our gigabytes, time, mental space, and even our bodies. What can't you post on Facebook? Even though Facebook is the place to be in the world of tweets, hashtags and constant updates, bringing the Book into our bedrooms may not always guarantee a successful relationship. When does Facebook become too much for you and your boo?
We all love staying connected to the world in which we live. Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and even Skype and Oovoo allow us to really use technology as extensions of ourselves. When one signs and is asked what is happening, she feels naturally compelled to share with her family and friends exactly that. And if she is in a relationship and needs to vent, she feels even more compelled to let it all out via Facebook. When I was with *Curtis, that was all I did. I would see little quotes on relationships that described my mood at the moment and just post them. Or I would write "subs" when I felt like he needed to hear certain things and I didn't feel like saying them out loud. I watched his Facebook like a hound, looking for tagged pictures of any girl who was bold enough to get tagged by me and embarrassed. Or I would check his relationship status after any major fight just to make sure he didn't switch up on me without my knowledge. Sure enough, he did the same to me.
We were both guilty of Facebook-stalking, first degree.
So what, right? Wrong. I could recall the time a girl tagged him in a picture. She was posted with my boo, all in the club all dolled up hugging my man like he was made for her. I called him immediately to tell him to get himself together. We argued so badly that day that I couldn't imagine us making it beyond that point. He wanted to know why I was checking his profile so hard; I felt I had the right to do so. He was gon' learn today!
I could also remember taking down my relationship status. To go from being "engaged" on Facebook was a big deal, especially if the next status wasn't "married." The questions were going to be serious, and I could imagine how many "sorry" comments I would get from well-wishers galore. I was not excited. In retrospect, I realize that our relationship was actually a tandem: Curtis, myself, and Facebook. I was as into Facebook as I was into him. Everything became what he posted online. When we didn't work out, I made the decision not to even request a potential boo on the Book. I just can't deal with the issues that arise because of what he would post.
First of all *neck roll inserted here* what happens on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and any other social media site is my business and my business ALONE. The same goes for the boo. If I have to check your status update to know what is happening with you, then perhaps I shouldn't even entertain the thought of us actually being together. If you feel you can talk to a website more than me, what is the point? If I have to hound through pictures, mentions, shared links and pokes (do they even allow people to poke anymore? There was always sometimes really dirty about being poked. I consider it cheating.), then any attempt at maintaining a healthy relationship is futile. Talk to me, not Facebook. I don't want emoticons and mentions to let me know that I'm loved; I'd rather hear and feel it and I don't need an audience to confirm it. When there is true boo loving and falling in love, social media becomes an outlet, not a reference.
I'm done here, for now at least. It's Friday and my students are reckless! If you are in a relationship, keep your boo and social media separate. It eliminates distractions and complications. Who needs that when all we're trying to do is love?
3/26/2013 02:24:12 am
"First of all *neck roll inserted here* what happens on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and any other social media site is my business and my business ALONE."
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